I preface this post with the fact that I actually wrote it 2 years ago. I was a new mom. I had a teething kid, I wasn’t sleeping a lot, and I was breastfeeding him which caused even more no sleeping. Although the landscape has changed – the sentiment remains the same. When you ask me how I do it all (and many people ask me that), I have started saying “because I don’t sleep”. And it’s true, although is not the fault of my teething infant anymore.
If you’re not going to read any further than this, here’s what you need to know:
YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL.
The end.
I admit, it’s not the first time I’ve heard this. My parents always told me this, over and over again. Indeed, after I typed that, the voice in my head was my dad saying it.
We’ve been on the fast track a while now – buy a house, get engaged, get married, move 3500 km from our support network, buy another house, get a dog, have a kid. That’s a lot for four years. (Add in it’s now going on six, and moved AGAIN to our biggest farm project to date.).
When people ask me about my kid, I always tell them that parenting is the best job I’ve ever had, but it’s also the most challenging. I get a few double takes at that one. I don’t think every parent would tell you it’s challenging. I think we forget to tell everyone about the challenging part; we see all the happy faces,
They are important too! Remembering RIGHT NOW when he has been hacking and keeping me awake for two nights. I still love the child, but my patience is tried, my body is tired, and I just want to be able to sit down and do something for mama. It isn’t always possible – sometimes because you love them so much, you just have to “get ‘er done” and find a moment of peace where you can.
I think the Swedish proverb says it best: “love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I need it most.”
When we first took prenatal classes, the instructor went around the room and asked us, “What will you relax upon/give up when you are a parent?” and after a few people went before me, I was still completely dumbfounded by the question. Give up? Most other individuals said they would relax on having a super clean house. That was not, and is not, me. I had a hard time wrap my head around the question. I don’t honestly think I gave a good answer on that one. I was still thinking about it.
In short, no one is Superwoman, and we cannot do it all. With parenting and having fun with J taking up more and more of my time (and rightly so), there are things I have to let go on.
So, almost a year in a half later, here is what I’ve changed or given up:
- I cannot do everything that everyone asks of me. I have to say no sometimes.
- Our house isn’t clean, it isn’t even tidy. It looks like a toy bomb went off in here.
- I am giving up on doing laundry once a week. It doesn’t work; it has to be more often.
- I forget to eat until I’m starving.
- I am giving up on matching socks. I spend way too much time matching socks.
- I have given up trying to walk my dog every day. I do it three times a week.
- I give up trying not to carry my phone 24/7 and unplug. It’s my lifeline.
- I give up doing things most evenings
- My free time (the little that exists) is freaking precious. It’s okay to hoard some of those quiet moments for myself.
- I have given up on having a clean, organized car
What have you given up as a parent? What things moved down the importance list? Share them with us below.
a passionate recreation coordinator by day, crazy farm mama of two by night. i live outdoors: growing my own food, camping and hiking with my border collie with two active kids in tow. when I’m not writing, I’m experimenting with recipes, and crafts – or anything else that might keep the monkeys entertained.
I don’t sock match either. Find your own mates, socks.
all of the above! And, sometimes I was just barely hanging on to my sanity!! My youngest (who is now 24) still refuses to wear matching socks to this day, so that should tell you something about my ability to match socks when they were youngsters!
Our lists would look similar. Except the socks – my socks need matches.
I would add to this a few things, too. The creative bits of my life I’ve had to put on a slight pause. Scrapbooking is not getting done. Knitting is gone to a minimum. All the painting and drawing, not a chance. Playing guitar and ukulele still happens, but infrequently.
It will all come back one day. When my baby doesn’t need me so much, and when I’m filled with empty nest syndrome, I expect to take FULL advantage of eating when I’m hungry, making music and all kids of complicated crafty messes, and everything else on hold.
Oh, I completely agree that being a parent is extremely challenging. I never had a clean house to begin with, so I didn’t have to give that one up